At times during premarital preparations, this second thought arise, and you begin to wonder if it’s just a case of cold feet or another thing altogether. Though, you have been asked by your family severally and you said yes. It gets to a point that even after announcing your engagement with the soon to be bride or groom, it still seems you’ve not got the nerve to do it. Here, we discuss the most glaring signs you are not ready for marriage yet.
- YOU ARE STILL “FLIRTING”/YOU STILL HAVE A WANDERING EYE
You are getting married does not imply you are stopping to be a human. It is normal to appreciate good qualities in people other than your spouse-to-be, this does mean you need to be ready to commit emotionally and physically to your mate. Do you doubt if you can settle for the care and attention of just one person? Hmm…! this is not easy especially when you are still “young and innocent”. You still haven’t stopped thinking about your ex, you hide intimate communications you are having with an ex. Or, you continue to flirt with a colleague. If you feel there is need for constant validation from people other than the person you are getting married to, this is a sign you aren’t ready to get married.
- YOU DON’T VALUE IMPORTANT ISSUES
When you are married, there is need to set boundaries. If you cannot sacrifice for the benefit of others, it simply means you are not ready to get married. You love spending time with your partner. Now, you have to realize that marriage involves not just your partner alone, but the family and your children too. Sacrifices must be made to ensure that your kids get the best of everything—academics, feeding, shelter, clothing and what have you. Marrying someone means marrying all of them, not just the parts that you enjoy.
- YOU HAVE NOT DATED/COURTED HIM/HER FOR LONG
It is quite difficult to differentiate between infatuation and love. It is normal to fantasize but it is dangerous to remain in fantasy. When you have not known your partner for long, and everything about them seems blissful. You can’t stop thinking about them, calling or texting them when not together, this may mean love to you, but on the contrary, it is not enough reason to marry him/her.
The infatuation stage of a relationship is usually the first year. In this year everything seems rosy, and there may be some hidden characters that may take over a year to be revealed. So, why not give it some time more, so as to learn more about your partner before committing to them. Don’t be in a haste to marry someone you barely know. Marriage is for the good, the bad and the ugly.
- YOU ARE UNDECIDED ABOUT SETTLING DOWN
Even though you get along so well with your partner, but you cannot tell if you are ready to settle down. You have not decided you want to get married, then don’t bother, you are not ready. There’s no reason to marry, only to regret it later.
- YOU CAN’T SHARE YOUR SECRETS
For a marriage to be rosy and healthy, then the parties involved should be able to let the cat out of the bag. This will create an avenue for love and remove judgement. If you still keep some vital information to yourself, or can’t confide in your to be husband or wife, if you cannot share your prior experiences—a former marriage, a former relationship, a former lifestyle that may cause turbulence in future if not resolved earlier, then, you are not ready to marry that person.
- YOU DON’T FIGHT WELL
Is it obvious that you give in to maintain peace at all times in the relationship? Then, there is a possibility that you are not ready for marriage yet. Your grievances should be communicated in a way that will bring about mutual resolutions and giving each party satisfaction. There ought to be a room for expression of grievances and when you constantly give up your point of view just to make sure there is tranquility, then you are getting it wrong because, this will only breed resentment in your relationship.
To be able to resolve some inevitable quarrels that arise in relationships, do some needful before getting married, either by reading advice books or talking to a counselor, so you learn how to handle the inevitable conflicts that arise in relationships. You are not ready for marriage when you have the feeling that you can’t stand by the right thing to make sure there is peace.
- YOU DON’T COMMUNICATE ENOUGH
You are fearful of losing him or her to someone else, hence you don’t voice out your dissatisfaction at their activities. When you observe that you are weak to tell them the hard stuffs, then this is a sign that you are not ready to marry. You have to be bold to communicate your fears so that they don’t hunt you after marriage. If you haven’t had an opportunity to see how you both manage a heated debate, you aren’t ready to get married.
- YOU HATE TO COMPROMISE
Inability to reduce some unnecessary standards is harmful to marriage. You wouldn’t want to get married when you’ve been on your own awhile. There are some things you don’t do (brush or eat) except you do somethings (read and replied your mails). Now that you are in love, you find it difficult to change those standards to meet that of your partner. If this is the case, cancel your wedding plans for the mean time. When you are ready to marry, you won’t find it difficult compromising and adjusting.
- ALL YOUR FRIENDS HAVE GOTTEN MARRIED
You are not ready to marry because your friends are married. Because, Matt is married doesn’t imply you are ready. If you are feeling left out because most of your friends have become “Mr and Mrs”, then you are getting it wrong. Marry because you are matured and can handle issues in marriage, not to impress your friends.
- YOU STILL SEE YOUR PARTNER THE WAY YOU WANT THEM TO BE NOT THE WAY THEY REALLY ARE
Wedding ring doesn’t change people. People remain what they are even after marriage. Don’t think they are going to change when you marry them. It is necessary to marry your partner for whom he/she is and not for the person you expect them to be. So entering a marriage thinking it will magically change your partner into being more responsible, more ambitious, more caring, or more attentive to you is a huge mistake.