So many couples stop connecting and are lukewarm when issues of sexual intimacy and intercourse are raised in homes due to so many reasons. Many couples grapple with the issues of differences in desire and sexuality. Take away medical reasons that affect the sexual performances of a person, these five reasons are common among married.
- UNRESOLVED RESENTMENT AND ANGER IN RELATIONSHIP
This point takes predominant place when it comes to sexuality since there is need for a sense of fascination with your spouse. Recovering after a quarrel or fight is quite difficult among so many couples. They may have perceptions about so many issues quite different from each other. At times recovering from emotional trauma or injuries which can be caused from events ranging from an assault or rape to humiliation or embarrassment from a spouse or co-worker that bring about keeping score, resentment and unresolved hurt. In this case, these couples may likely tend to shy away from sex, use it as a source of power and punishment. You may avoid sex when there is no feeling safety with your partner.
- AVOIDANCE OF SEX
Inability of the couples to get the desired sex wanted or short of expectation or getting bored due to a particular sex style hampers sexual intimacy especially when they find it difficult to talk about it or at times don’t know how to talk about it and resolve it. At times, they say to themselves, “I don’t want to hurt my spouse” and hence keep it to themselves which leads to them being conflict avoidant, so they back away from sexual intercourse and focus on the other aspects of the relationship that don’t cause as much stress. These couples don’t know how to talk about sex or issues of sex in a frank and honest way, so as to avoid criticism.
- STRESS AND FATIGUE
A few causes of stress and fatigue are parenting, chronic illness, pressures at work, finances, caring for a family member who is sick or handicapped, misunderstanding, irresponsibility by a husband or a wife. This state of mind may cause insomnia, irritability, depression, and to a certain extent cause loss of appetite for sex or reduce sexual desire which reduces sexual intimacy gradually.
Body image issues have caused so many people to suffer silently and the shame around not having abs or “six-pack”, and such persons are preoccupied in trying to hide themselves, or avoid what they perceive as turning their partner off. This could be as a result of complaints from their partners. Due to this reason, it’s hard for people in this state to have the feeling of being desired by someone and find it difficult to stay present in the moment during lovemaking. Many women and men believe that they are not worthy or deserving of sexual pleasure until they look like the ideal body they hold in their mind. This prevents couples from being sexually intimate as the person with body issues will often turn down their partner’s sexual advances.
- ANXIETY DUE TO SEXUAL PERFORMANCE
This is a very challenging area for so many couples as it is difficult to satisfy their partners sexually. Amongst men, performance anxiety, especially with getting or maintaining an erection, or being able to last as long as he or his partner would like, may cause anxiety, disappointment and shame. This could lead to reaching orgasm or pressure to orgasm and hence painful or uncomfortable sex among women. Feelings of unsatisfactorily giving their partners what they need in terms of sex often pops up and this leads to avoidance of sex by both parties, because they perceive that this problem is not going to stop any time soon, or it is hard for them to express how they feel surrounding their sexual life together
If you have noticed any of these categories in your marriage, it’s time to take caution of the state of affairs in your relationship, and start having some tough, though meaningful conversations about it. You have to be able to take control of the discomfort for growth, so hopefully by highlighting the issues that keep you and your partner from connecting intimately, you will see transparency and honesty restored in your marriage.